“My whole life is a story but do I really have the courage to share it?
Question that arises every time I want or try to share it with anyone-
Siting here in my room at 2:53 am I am still not sure if its a wise decision that I am making of sharing my story with the whole world. I was a teenage girl who was about to turn 18. I got married a few months after passing of school. I thought my real was about to start where life will be all about happiness and Love.
Love and happiness is all you want when you come from a dysfunctional family. wherein the only thing you have seen in your house is your dad beating up your mother every single night of the year. I thought I had found an escape to all that by getting married. Unfortunately, I was proven wrong within 2 days of that.
As soon as all the guests had left I saw a different picture. I was forced to have sex every single night. No matter how tired I was or even if I was unwell. I was told this is what I am meant for SEX. He would force me watch porn and imitate those women in the movies. If I refused I would have to bear the brunt.
He left his job within 15 days of our marriage and I were to bring money from my parents home, which I refused to. As my father had passed away when I was 12, because of him being an alcoholic. One night he came home so drunk or I don’t know if he under the influence of some drugs. He asked me to take off my clothes else it wont be good for me. He had sex with me for almost whole night.
I had already lost a weight because of depression. My body was so sore that I couldn’t even get up the next morning. I stayed there for almost 8 months. I came back home weighing just 37 kg, bruised and all black and blue. I had to escape that house else I wouldn’t have been alive today. It was his 3rd attempt to kill me. 1st being try to kill me with a butchers knife, 2nd by suffocating me with a pillow. The last time he tried to choke me.
I was under shock for sometime after that. I clearly remember that I was so much under shock that even if anyone would put a finger on me I would start crying. The saddest part among all this is not what I went through during those 7-8 months but what I had to go through after that.
People that I called friends had started to boycott me as I was going through a divorce. That was the time when I needed friend the most. But they all had left me alone. The way people looked at me, made me feel like I was some creepy thing which they couldn’t stand. Our society is so cruel?.
I don’t understand where in all this I was at fault. They all know that I was divorced but they don’t know my story. I moved to another city sometime after that. Soon I met guy who said he was in Love with me. And In my innocence I trusted him and told him my story but what he did to me was even worse.
I have never shared this with anyone but now I cant keep to myself anymore. Things don’t end here but I am falling short of words. This is all I can share as of now. I hope our society changes for better. I have lived a “Life of a Prisoner”. Chained by the morals of the society, chained by the way people looked at me. This is part of my story. I hope I somewhere am heard and not judged.”
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