The Best Way to Bounce Back From Any Mistake

Life

Say Sorry—Stat!

Some people think apologizing is a weakness or that it means that they're not good or clever enough. But it’s actually the opposite. Say a friend was worried that she offended you with a joke she made. She could just never bring it up again.

What if she said, “Hey, that joke I made last night—I hope I didn’t upset you. I was just trying to be funny and definitely don’t think X or Y.” Would you think that person was weak or strong for addressing this? I bet the latter. Because it takes courage to do this. Courageous people apologize.

Your turn to say sorry? Keep in mind that an awesome apology contains three parts:

Say “I’m sorry.” (This is where the actual apology happens: You gotta admit your mistake.)
Admit you were wrong. (Highlight what you regret.)
Ask what or suggest something you can do to make it better. (The best request for forgiveness is a positive intention to do better in the future.)

Here's an example of a bad apology: “Sorry. I was just kidding. Lighten up! It wasn’t that bad.”

A better apology? “I’m sorry my joke was insensitive. It was bad form of me to make fun of X. How can I make it up to you?”

Don't Beat Yourself Up

Once you have made a sincere apology that checks those three boxes, relax. We all make mistakes. We will continue to make mistakes as long as we live. But it’s how we handle them that counts. Being honest, owning up (and not waiting to do so!), and having a genuine intention not to repeat the mistake is the very best you can do. Let this bring you peace. Apologize sincerely, then surrender the rest. Exhale!

I was managing a project recently and asked my colleague why the database wasn’t up to date (it was his job to do this). I thought it was a database error—it wasn’t the first time the system was slow.

“Uh oh!” Riley responded over instant messenger. “I’ll do it now. I completely forgot. Can you give me an hour, two max? I'm so sorry.” Instead of being irritated, I was momentarily flooded with affection for Riley. I ribbed him a bit, but his honesty built trust between us. This encounter allowed me to be more vulnerable in making mistakes too.

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