The Risks of NOT Letting Your Kids Do Risky Things

Life

The risk of not enjoying parenting as much as you might have (or having as many children as you would have liked).

The detrimental risks of parental risk-aversion do not just apply to children, but to parents as well (and as we’ll see in the next point, even to communities as a whole).

Numerous studies on twins have demonstrated that how children turn out has more to do with genetics than it does environment; nature trumps nurture. Twins raised in two very different families typically turn out very alike, while two fraternal siblings raised in the same home often turn out quite different. Parents don’t shape children like completely unformed pieces out clay; rather, kids’ personalities and talents are largely inborn, and it’s simply up to mothers and fathers to provide a safe, loving environment for these seeds to grow — to pull out weeds and sprinkle in a little fertilizer. Parents can certainly help round off rough edges, but kids are going to become who they’re going to become.

Yet even though parents may only be responsible for half of how a kid turns out, they parent like they’re responsible for everything. Parents are spending more time with their children than both mothers and fathers did fifty years ago, believing that if they’re not around constantly, their kids won’t turn out smart and well-adjusted, or that something terrible will happen to them.

Maintaining this state of constant vigilance, living with a daily degree of anxiety, giving up their own friendships and hobbies to invest all their free time in childrearing, has turned parenting into a labor-intensive, energy-sapping grind. It’s no wonder most parents feel they can only handle one or two children, or decide not to have any at all; family life no longer entices, as it seemingly involves shackling yourself 24/7 to your kids.

It wasn’t always like this though. Fifty years ago, parents had more children, and yet more time to themselves; the grownups often did their own thing, and so did the kids.

Both were happier for it.

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