15 Secrets From “Rocket Man” Kim Jong Un’s Inner Circle

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4. North Koreans Believe That His Father, Kim Jong Il, Never Used The Toilet

I don’t mean that he did his business in the woods, out in the open, or even in his pants. All of those would be believable in a backwards place like North Korea. I mean that the citizens of North Korea were actually taught–and truly believed, as those sad subjects have little to no access to information that isn’t state-sponsored–that Kim Jong Il existed on such a higher plane that he did not have the need to urinate or defecate. Taking a page from Kim’s playbook, women in developed countries often try to convince guys of the same thing when first dating, but even Western dudes are smarter and more enlightened than those poor North Koreans and figure out the truth quickly.

3. He Has The Cures To Many Diseases

Along with no poverty, unemployment, or crime in North Korea, apparently, they do not suffer from serious diseases either, such as AIDS and Ebola. At least that’s the word coming out of North Korea from its leader after he gets done golfing a perfect game and not taking a dump afterward. In fact, they don’t have any health problems, and their citizens are the world’s healthiest. But, if you’re worried about how North Korea will handle an outbreak should it happen in the future, don’t be. That’s because the country, according to Kim Jong Un, already has the cures figured out to most of the diseases that are still killing people everywhere else. They just haven’t had to deploy them because nobody gets sick there.

2. Michael Jordan Is His Favorite NBA Player

Very few United States citizens have been welcomed into North Korea. Perhaps the most famous among that select group has been retired basketball star Dennis Rodman, who won multiple NBA championships with the Chicago Bulls in the 1990’s. Rodman is reported to get along very well with Kim Jong Un, the two of them having been pictured together on several occasions yukking it up during basketball games in North Korea. But it is his former teammate, the greatest basketball player of all time, that remains number one in the eyes of Rocket Man. He is a huge Michael Jordan fan. The dictator apparently became enamored with basketball while he was not studying in Switzerland. He spent what little time he wasn’t engaged in video games playing the sport.

1. He Has A “Pleasure Troupe” Harem Of Young Women

Being the supreme leader of North Korea comes with a few fringe benefits. For starters, you’re one of the few people in the country who live a life of luxury while everyone else starves, so that’s a pretty good deal. But even better, they also have something called “pleasure troupes.” It’s pretty much like it sounds—a “troupe” of young, attractive North Korean women whose entire existences revolve around giving you pleasure. The tradition was started by Kim Il Sung, then passed on to his son and then his grandson. The only caveat, though, is once your old man croaks and you become dictator, you have to wait out a three-year mourning period before you get access to the pleasure troupe. Because North Koreans dictators are way too moral to start hanging with chicks right after a parent dies.