4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness and Overcome Hedonic Adaptation

Life

3. Develop strategies for coping.

We live in a stressful time in so many ways: politically, economically, and emotionally. We are connected and disconnected at the same time. If you focus on all the bad that is going on, you certainly are going to be a bit stressed and depressed.

Start off by focusing on what you can control and let go of those things you can’t.

As we speak they are demolishing the building across from me, which requires eight hours of jackhammering and bulldozing, six days a week.

It is extremely stressful, noisy, and discomforting, but they are huge developers and there’s really nothing I can do unless I want to pay a massive amount of money to get out of my lease. So, I have to find ways to cope with the stress of this activity rather than just become frustrated all the time.

One of the ways I cope with stress is to write. Writing is a huge source of stress relief. Some people like to garden. Some enjoy working out or reading or hiking, or social activities like playing pool or even just taking a bath and relaxing in a hot tub.

Everyone is different. Think of something that will take you away from the stress and strains of your day and will help you cope. If you are unhappy with your job it won’t do any good to keep complaining about it. What will help is creating an exit plan and starting to research and apply for new jobs, or maybe considering going back to school

Focus on those things you can change and what you can do to make your day, your life, and your existence less stressful. Can you carpool instead of commuting? Can you ask your husband to take the kids for one night so you can have girl time? Do you need a “guy weekend”? There is nothing wrong with asking to get your needs met.

4. Invest in real-time connections.

As I mentioned earlier, some of the happiest places in the world are those that live and exist within a community. Each is a member of a whole and they seek to help one another. I believe having connections with other human beings is one of the main reasons we exist and a is a huge factor in the derivation of happiness.

Researcher Brené Brown says, “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

Brené has spent her life studying vulnerability and connection, and she believes that in order to gain a deeper purpose and more meaningful life, we need to become vulnerable with others. I tend to agree with her.

In order to be vulnerable you have to connect, and I don’t mean trading pithy comments on Facebook; I mean truly connect. True connection means to understand, accept, and hear someone and to allow yourself to be understood and heard and accepted.

How can you do this? Start with people who are already in your life that you think you can forge a deeper bond with, or join a new social group that revolves around an activity that you like. Take up bowling or attend meditation classes. Seek out those who are interested in similar pursuits and it will be easier to form an initial connection. What you do from there is up to you. The world is open.

These may sound like generic answers to a really big problem, and maybe they are, but they’re a good start.

Take out a pen and paper or start typing. Make a list of a few things you can do every day to apply this advice—what might help you stop worrying, when you can make time to meditate, which strategies help you cope with stress, and how you can invest in real-time connections. Then do what you’ve written.

Try these four things for thirty days and see if you feel any differently. If you don’t, try another thirty days or move on to a new strategy. What matters isn’t whether you win or lose or succeed or fail but that you showed up every day and you did your best. Life is a journey, not a race to the end.