3. Being sexually selfish -- or clueless.

In the bedroom, some men forget -- or, worse, haven’t figured out -- that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on, Maslow says.

"Affection, making her feel loved and needed -- that’s basic for her to feel aroused," Maslow says. "Older men usually catch on, but young men are especially unaware of this."

Vanderhorst says turning a woman on begins well before the lights go down. "Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection," she says. "But women want a connection prior to having sex."

4. Listening the wrong way.

Listening does not mean nodding along as your wife explains what is bothering her and you, all the while, are thinking up ways to fix the problem. "Men tend to analyze situations and generate options," Vanderhorst says. "That’s guaranteed to make your wife go ballistic."

What she most often wants is to talk things out, and she wants you to be actively engaged in the conversation, not by trying to be the hero and save the day but by demonstrating an interest in what she is saying and caring about what she is experiencing emotionally, Vanderhorst says.

"This is not passive," she says. "Listening to establish a connection is an active process."

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