5. Shelving your feelings.

Listening to your wife talk about her feelings is essential. So is talking about your own.

Many men, however, think they need to hide their feelings or risk being seen as weak. That’s a mistake.

Not sharing your emotions can be a real downer for your wife, Maslow says. "The woman feels like she’s missing a close connection that she wants with her husband. When he’s withdrawn, she feels like he is leaving her."

Maslow acknowledges that getting men to open up can be difficult. But he also says it shows strength. "Growing up, a man learns that he can’t let others know when he’s scared. But opening up is taking a risk, and that takes courage."

6. Going on a power trip.

Being a man does not mean being in charge. But many men don’t get that. "They try to get what they want by being dominant. But it’s not about making demands or trying to overpower her. Women will pull away from that," Maslow says.

Vanderhorst agrees. She says that the "power position" that men often put themselves in essentially negates the relationship, which must be reciprocal, supportive, and caring. "Our best selves emerge in the context of our relationships with others and not as an independent entity," she says.

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