Are you the type of person who goes to parties only to feel awkward talking to new people? Then don't worry, there is a very simple trick for you. If you don't have anything interesting to say about yourself, like a " recent fancy euro trip", then just ask the other person a question instead.
Of course, don't rush and ask the other person the "airspeed velocity of a swallow carrying a coconut", but simple questions about the other person.
One of the most common mistakes most of us make trying to create a good first impression is talking too much about themselves. According to a new paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, "most people spend the majority of their conversations sharing their own views rather than focusing on the other person".
According to psychologist David Ludden , "recent research on interpersonal attraction has focused on the idea of responsiveness — the set of verbal and nonverbal behaviors that address the needs of another person. When we feel a partner is responsive to our needs, we like that person more".
David Ludden adds in his Psychology Today post that responsiveness consists of three components:
Understanding: the accurate perception of the other's feelings.
Validation: respect for the other's point of view.
Care: the showing of affection and concern for the other.
According to Harvard researcher Karen Huang and colleagues , one conversational technique that covers all three components of responsiveness is asking questions. Although we can make guesses about other people's feelings by mere observations, the only way to really understand is by asking questions.
In the paper titled 'It Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking' , Huang and colleagues point out people who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners. When people are instructed to ask more questions, they are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care.
So, stop waiting around thinking for a good opening, just start asking simple questions.
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