We all have been there, stuck in the memories of a dark past. It might be the loss of a loved one, abandonment, or a major setback in life. But more than often we end up clinging to the past, than moving forward, despite how bright and colourful that future can be.
In his book 'Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence,' Rick Hanson points out that evolution left humans with a tendency to pay attention to the negative experiences than the positive. Human survival, back then, depended upon immediately identifying and quickly reacting to life threats. Therefore, bad memories tend to stick with us and this inclination of the brain to remember negative experiences is what scientists call 'negativity bias'.
However, this isn't the hunter-gatherer era, we live in a modern world, and if you want to reach your dream and conquer your goals, holding on to your past is the last thing you want to do. "Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down," says Roy T. Bennett, in his book The Light in the Heart. So, here are a few ways to let go of the past:
Express your pain
We have written extensively about the positive benefits of expressing yourself through words, especially by journaling. Numerous recent researchers have confirmed this. According to Matthew D.Lieberman, UCLA associate professor of psychology and a founder of social cognitive neuroscience, verbalizing our feelings makes our sadness, anger, and pain less intense.
This is ancient wisdom," Lieberman said. "Putting our feelings into words helps us heal better. If a friend is sad and we can get them to talk about it, that probably will make them feel better." So if you have a problem in finding good friends to talk about, then the next best thing is to write it down. Additionally, vlogging or recording your own videos expressing your pains can be an effective outlet. However, always do make sure to keep them private.
Stop playing the victim
One of the great sources of wisdom from Ancient Rome is Stoicism. Marcus Aurelius, a key proponent of stoicism famously wrote in his work Meditations, "reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears." According to psychologist and author of The Ethics of Interpersonal Relationships, Robert Firestone , "many people adopt the victim role, albeit unintentionally because they are afraid of their anger, deny its existence in themselves, project it onto other people, and anticipate aggression or harm from them."
Yes, your loved one has abandoned you or the ones who held close to you might have betrayed you, but treating yourself as a victim will do no good but get you trapped in the past forever.
Focus on the present
The past is gone, future is yet to happen, and all you have is right now - the present. According to many ancient teachings from Zen Buddhism to Stoicism, being in the present or mindful is the most important thing you can do to overcome any challenge in life.
"Mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. Anchoring awareness in the here and now reduces the kinds of impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression, binge eating, and attention problems", points out Jay Dixit .
Focus on the present and what's in front of you, since your only reality is the present moment.
Forgive
We all are imperfect and our acts are indeed a reflection of this imperfection. Letting someone else's negative words and actions affecting your future is as good as you are surrendering to the other person's whims and wishes. If someone pushed you down in your journey towards your dream, pick yourself up, dust off, and smile at the person, then march forward with much more determination. Holding revenge and grudge will only weight you down, and always remember - success is the best revenge.
Have gratitude
Take a moment to look at the world around you, the misfortunate and ill-fated ones, and appreciate whatever you have in your life. Good family, friends, career, health, or even a loyal pet. One of life's best coping mechanisms is to know the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. As pointed out by Robert Fulghum, "if you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you've got a problem. Everything else is an inconvenience."
"Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same kinds of lump. One needs to learn the difference", syas Fulghum. So, leave the past where it belongs- in the past and live in the present looking forwards. And remember what Nobel Prize laureate Fridtjof Nansen once said "I demolish my bridges behind me...then there is no choice but to move forward"
Share This Post
