You probably know people whose relationship was almost like a fairy tale. The girl was the damsel in distress who was saved by her mighty prince charming. And just like in the fairy tales, they lived happily ever after. (But that was not the end of the story.)

Until someone had an affair.

When you hear that someone in a happy relationship had cheated, you instantly question the big why. #WHY did one cheat on the other?

And then you assume the worst.

Relationship therapist Ester Perel said, “It’s the desire that keeps you wanting what you can’t have.”

She said that cheating is all about desire: desire for attention, desire for validation, and the desire to feel special. It’s more on feeding what you lack on yourself instead of someone else filling the void for you. The third party is just your instrument for personal gain.

1 “It’s not you, it’s me”

If you have been cheated on, it’s only natural to question your worth, or what you lack in the first place. But, to make things clear, it is sometimes not your fault. Thus, the famous break-up line comes in: It’s not you, it’s me (or him, or her).

If your partner says, “Hahanapin ko muna ang sarili ko,” let them. They might be trying to rekindle with their past self which could be freedom, passion, hobbies, or something else entirely.

Again, it is not your fault. There will always be empty spaces in his/her life that you cannot fill in.

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